Addiction, in any form is not a spectator sport, eventually everyone gets to play!
There are so many variables when it comes to addiction and the impact on family dynamics. Many of the articles I have read are fairly generic and not particularly clear, often painting a catastrophic view but people respond to life and addiction related trauma in many different ways. There is no shortage of families that are negatively impacted by addiction and mental health who remain helpless by adopting unhealthy coping mechanisms that keep the family stuck in unhealthy patterns of behaviour.

Not all alcoholic’s drink!
There is not a solid foundation that supports that people have a genetic predisposition to addiction. The nature/nurture debate is in full swing. Was I born an addict or was I born a baby?

Addiction can take hold where there is no family addiction history and for families with a history of addiction this does not automatically mean that family members will become addicts or alcoholics. Generally, addicts and alcoholics claim to have come from a dysfunctional family, suggesting that no other factors are involved. All too often, people of all ages are pushed into having to take responsibility for unseen historical family patterns which can impinge on mental health and family development.

Some family systems are negatively impacted and there are no substances involved or a process addiction. Denial, compulsivity, anxiety and depression can exist within any family system sometimes resulting in substance abuse and process addictions such as gambling, gaming, and pornography addiction for example.

Historical factors
Vicariously, everyone is predisposed to historical factors, meaning that in actual fact we are all products of history and not our immediate family. Various messages get handed down from generation to generation that can negatively impact parenting styles and child development.

“I am going to make sure that my child has everything I didn’t have” Is a common unspoken family mantra which can develop into a controlling family landscape and mental health issues such as anxiety and depression which can also lead to codependency and addiction problems.

• Negative Family Messages – Big boys don’t cry – Children are to be seen and not heard – Do as I say, Not as I do – Don’t talk, don’t feel and don’t trust-Showing weakness is forbidden
• Positive Family Messages – Speak kindly to yourself and others – Do not compare yourself to others – Family meals together, no screens – Parental autonomy, support child independence – Discuss feeling openly

Personal recovery vs family recovery
For those fortunate enough to receive professional help for addiction they sometimes, and mistakenly turn their recovery focus from themselves and desire to heal the whole family. Addicts and alcoholics not only have to accept they have a personal addiction problem but often need to embrace the uncomfortable fact that their own family behaviours and rules are unlikely to change to meet the recovery persons essential needs. Family boundaries will have been an issue prior to rehab and will not have changed significantly while the addict or alcoholic is in rehab. Anything that it put before personal recovery such as a relationship or the family is a ‘red flag’ that is often ignored.

Remember-everyone is recovering from something!
Unresolved issues–Well-meaning family members or a partner may well be dealing with their known or unknown unresolved personal issues so it is an unfair expectation for them to entirely understand a recovering persons malady and new recovery-based responsibilities. At times friends, family and partners fear triggering a relapse, finding themselves struggling to set appropriate boundaries. Though it may not be immediately understood or excepted it is important for recovering addicts and alcoholics to be seen to be applying new lifestyle strategies such as an aftercare programme and attending fellowship meetings. Trust issues will normally be present but over time everyone can see the benefits of the new structured approach to life.

Family dynamics–The pressure in the early stages of recovery post rehab is a lot to deal with, especially when the recovering person returns to the same family environment, the same job or the same relationship. At times family members and partners roll their sleeves up and become over involved in their loved one’s recovery which can also be detrimental. This is simply another form of control that was probably in place prior to residential treatment.

Aftercare programme–Post treatment is a fragile time and it’s important that recovering people receive ongoing support through a structured aftercare programme that involves counselling, group therapy and regular drug and alcohol testing which keeps the addict or alcoholic accountable. It is extremely important that recovering people learn to take the right information to the right people otherwise they are at risk of sharing personal information with family or their partner which is highly counterproductive.

Conclusion
It is challenging to be specific about the impact addiction and mental health can have on a family system so I have tried to address in a general way some important key elements for consideration. There exists a multitude of substance and behavioural addictions that can silently erode family cohesion that can go unnoticed for many years.

Many death certificates record ‘accidental death’ as the reason for a person’s death yet it fails to mention drug abuse, alcoholism, gambling addiction, online shopping addiction, work addiction, to name but a few. Addiction is described in the Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book as “cunning, baffling and powerful” which can be applied to ‘any’ addiction. Addiction can sweep through a family’s life hiding behind substance abuse, alcoholism, anger, blame, depression, anxiety, emotional turmoil, isolation, communication problems, neglect, erratic caregiving, aggression, financial pressures, and overall erosion of family stability.

It would be very easy to read an article like this and be selective in what is relatable. It is important to acknowledge that bargaining, denying, making excuses and selectivity are all part of addiction related thinking!

Disclaimer: This article is intended for educational purposes only and should not replace professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.